Being the parent of a transgender young adult.

Let me start by saying, I'm a conservative, and I'm a Christian. I don't agree with homosexuality, cross dressing, "trans-gender" or anything like that. But that doesn't mean I hate anyone or I'm "phobic" of people like that. I've had friends and family who were gay, and I don't presume to understand their choices at all. I just choose to treat them like everyone else.
Jesus loves everyone, murderers, thieves, liars, saints & sinners alike. Why should I be any different? We are all sinners saved by grace, me included. No one is perfect. I don't approve of drug abuse, but I still love & care about people who use drugs.
That being said, let me go on...
With all of the hype about trans-gender people in the last few years, what with Chaz Bono being on Dancing with the stars, Bruce Jenner deciding to become "Katelyn", and the public restroom controversy... I always thought I knew exactly what I thought about people like that. I thought they were either perverts, mentally ill, or just wanted attention. (Before you send me hate mail, please read on.)
Then came the day that my own child, my oldest son, dropped the bomb on our family that he thought he should be a girl. My boy, the one who played in the dirt, loved the Power Rangers, pretended to be a ninja, and wanted to be "a football kid" when he was little. My boy, the one who started shaving when he was 11, the one I scolded for growing a nasty looking "soul patch" in high school. My boy, who had a steady girlfriend for the past 5 years. I mean, yeah, he's always been very sweet, kind, & fairly soft spoken, but a girl? No way. To me, he's always been a total & complete boy. Until that day I thought I had it all figured out. Let me tell you, I did not. As my husband and I struggled to understand where our child was coming from, our hearts were breaking. We didn't even tell anyone what we were going through for a long time. But one thing has always been very clear to both of our children. We love them. Unconditionally. No matter what choices they make in life, good or bad, we love them. We may not agree with everything they do, but we love them and always will. They are our kids. Period.
I'm not saying that we've accepted our oldest child's choices, and he knows we haven't and will never accept or condone something that we see as wrong. But he knows without a doubt that he is loved, and he can always come home to Mom & Dad anytime he needs us. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard, if I said that once he started dressing like a girl I wasn't devastated all over again. I was. I cried so much I literally had no tears left. I was embarrassed, worried about what others might think, we were a minister & his wife for Pete sake, our kid wasn't supposed to be like this! I was crushed that in my eyes, I was losing my precious little boy. The funny thing is, he's still the same kid. Yeah, he's 23, wearing makeup, girls clothes, and letting his hair grow long... but he makes the same jokes & corny puns, likes the same tv shows & video games... he's still my goofy, funny kid.
Since we've been dealing with this for several months now, we have all learned so much. I definitely look at transgenders differently. I worry that my child can't use a public restroom without the possibility of becoming a victim. I worry that people are staring, laughing, or making fun of him. I worry someone might beat him up or worse. I worry that someone might say mean things to him. I worry that people are judging him as a nutcase or a pervert. I'm his mother, I know what a kind, sweet and caring soul he is. They don't.
Honestly, I think his younger brother has handled it better than his father & I have. We've all done research on transgender-ism and gender dysphoria. We've learned that our assumptions were very wrong. This may be a phase that will pass in time, as it sometimes does. It may not. Honestly, I wish every day to have my son back. I miss my funny little boy. But no matter what, my child is loved & cared for. We don't spend every moment with him preaching at him or telling him how wrong he is. He knows what we believe, we raised him! We spend every moment we have with him simply loving him, being his family who cares for him, & laughing about silly jokes like we always have.
So my point is this. Don't ever think you know it all, or that you understand why people choose to be a certain way, until you've experienced it yourself. The best thing you can do for someone you don't understand is to simply love them. Listen to them.
If any good has come from all the heartache and confusion that I've gone through, it is this: I look at others with much more compassion than I ever did before. We have no idea what people are struggling with. Show more love, compassion, & kindness. That is my goal. Let it be yours.