Being the parent of a transgender young adult.

Let me start by saying, I'm a conservative, and I'm a Christian. I don't agree with homosexuality, cross dressing, "trans-gender" or anything like that. But that doesn't mean I hate anyone or I'm "phobic" of people like that. I've had friends and family who were gay, and I don't presume to understand their choices at all. I just choose to treat them like everyone else.
Jesus loves everyone, murderers, thieves, liars, saints & sinners alike. Why should I be any different? We are all sinners saved by grace, me included. No one is perfect. I don't approve of drug abuse, but I still love & care about people who use drugs.
That being said, let me go on...
With all of the hype about trans-gender people in the last few years, what with Chaz Bono being on Dancing with the stars, Bruce Jenner deciding to become "Katelyn", and the public restroom controversy... I always thought I knew exactly what I thought about people like that. I thought they were either perverts, mentally ill, or just wanted attention. (Before you send me hate mail, please read on.)
Then came the day that my own child, my oldest son, dropped the bomb on our family that he thought he should be a girl. My boy, the one who played in the dirt, loved the Power Rangers, pretended to be a ninja, and wanted to be "a football kid" when he was little. My boy, the one who started shaving when he was 11, the one I scolded for growing a nasty looking "soul patch" in high school. My boy, who had a steady girlfriend for the past 5 years. I mean, yeah, he's always been very sweet, kind, & fairly soft spoken, but a girl? No way. To me, he's always been a total & complete boy. Until that day I thought I had it all figured out. Let me tell you, I did not. As my husband and I struggled to understand where our child was coming from, our hearts were breaking. We didn't even tell anyone what we were going through for a long time. But one thing has always been very clear to both of our children. We love them. Unconditionally. No matter what choices they make in life, good or bad, we love them. We may not agree with everything they do, but we love them and always will. They are our kids. Period.
I'm not saying that we've accepted our oldest child's choices, and he knows we haven't and will never accept or condone something that we see as wrong. But he knows without a doubt that he is loved, and he can always come home to Mom & Dad anytime he needs us. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard, if I said that once he started dressing like a girl I wasn't devastated all over again. I was. I cried so much I literally had no tears left. I was embarrassed, worried about what others might think, we were a minister & his wife for Pete sake, our kid wasn't supposed to be like this! I was crushed that in my eyes, I was losing my precious little boy. The funny thing is, he's still the same kid. Yeah, he's 23, wearing makeup, girls clothes, and letting his hair grow long... but he makes the same jokes & corny puns, likes the same tv shows & video games... he's still my goofy, funny kid.
Since we've been dealing with this for several months now, we have all learned so much. I definitely look at transgenders differently. I worry that my child can't use a public restroom without the possibility of becoming a victim. I worry that people are staring, laughing, or making fun of him. I worry someone might beat him up or worse. I worry that someone might say mean things to him. I worry that people are judging him as a nutcase or a pervert. I'm his mother, I know what a kind, sweet and caring soul he is. They don't.
Honestly, I think his younger brother has handled it better than his father & I have. We've all done research on transgender-ism and gender dysphoria. We've learned that our assumptions were very wrong. This may be a phase that will pass in time, as it sometimes does. It may not. Honestly, I wish every day to have my son back. I miss my funny little boy. But no matter what, my child is loved & cared for. We don't spend every moment with him preaching at him or telling him how wrong he is. He knows what we believe, we raised him! We spend every moment we have with him simply loving him, being his family who cares for him, & laughing about silly jokes like we always have.
So my point is this. Don't ever think you know it all, or that you understand why people choose to be a certain way, until you've experienced it yourself. The best thing you can do for someone you don't understand is to simply love them. Listen to them.
If any good has come from all the heartache and confusion that I've gone through, it is this: I look at others with much more compassion than I ever did before. We have no idea what people are struggling with. Show more love, compassion, & kindness. That is my goal. Let it be yours.

He Cares for YOU.

If you ever think God doesn't care about little things in your life that are important to you, let me tell you that HE DOES. I've needed some new Jean skirts for a while now, and black dress shoes for church. Now I have a very specific type of dress shoe that I like & you don't find them just anywhere. Jean skirts in my size aren't so easy to come by either. Not to mention I can't usually afford to pay a lot. So... yesterday we dropped into a thrift store that we rarely go to, in a part of Colorado Springs that we don't go on a regular basis. There on a rack of regular jeans were not one, but two Jean skirts, in my size. The only skirts on the rack, and they were MY SIZE. People, I'm not skinny, and that doesn't just happen. They were $4.99 each. Then as I looked through the shoes, I found a pretty black pair in my size, the EXACT STYLE that I like. They were brand new, real leather soles, and only $5.99. Now you can think what you like, but moments like that remind me that Jesus loves me, He cares for me, & he will provide for me even in the most obscure ways. He's my heavenly "Daddy" and he wants to give good things to his children. All I can do is smile & say thank you Jesus! I know he hears my prayers. If he cares about something so simple as a pair of shoes, I know he cares about all of the bigger needs in my life. So know this: Jesus also loves YOU, and he cares about EVERYTHING in your life. Just talk to Him & give all your cares to Jesus. As his word says "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."

Take The First Step

Have you ever had an opportunity looking you right in the face, and you weren't sure if you ought to go with it or not? You look at it, and think- "What if it doesn't work right?"  What if I fail?"  Well, I don't know about you, but things like that seem to happen to me all the time.  Maybe it's because I am a shy, quiet person.  Maybe decisions are harder for me to make because I'm more timid than some people are.  I don't know.  But I DO know this.  I have learned that usually all I need to do, is take the first step.  All my life I've loved to sing and I always wanted to play the piano.  I started lessons in the 6th grade, but wasn't really getting it.  My teacher was very old and often got me confused with her other students.  Finally after a lot of whining and begging, Mom let me quit.  (You don't know how many times I wished I had just stuck it out!) I never found another teacher until after I was married.  One year at Christmas, Dave gave me a certificate for piano lessons.  Well my oldest son Patrick was a baby then, and for one reason or another I didn't find enough time to practice & wasn't learning as quick as I wanted.  Well I ended up quitting again.  3 years later we moved to Minnesota and a girl we knew gave lessons.  So once again I started piano lessons.  I just had SUCH a hard time learning those notes!  I learned about 3 chords, but after a while I was slipping again.  I would have my teacher play the tune I was to learn, then memorize the sounds I was supposed to make, but still couldn't read a note.  Then I got pregnant with my second son, Nicholas, and it was just another excuse to quit.  So a few years down the road, Dave and I stared the church we have here in Fairmont.  We had no musicians, so we sang Accapella.  Somewhere along the way I had bought a book on playing songs by ear, but I never really looked at it.  One night I got it out and looked at it.  The first song in the book was "Amazing Grace".  It was played in 3 chords: C, F, and G7.  The VERY 3 chords I knew.  I turned on my keyboard and began to play and sing Amazing Grace.  I was thrilled!  I had just played and sang a song!  Without having to read notes!  Dave heard me and said "You're playing in church Sunday."  *GASP*  Me?!  Play in church?!  I can't, I don't know how... but wait, I DID just play a song.  SO- I looked further in the book and saw a couple more songs I could play.  So that Sunday I  was the musician.  Everyone was so happy to have music, and it felt good to be able to play.  But NOW WHAT?  What else can I do with 3 chords?  Well I started trying songs I knew, and came to find out, you can play quite a lot of songs with only C, F, and G7!  I still play in church, I'm learning, and hopefully I will get better, but all those years I HAD what I needed to play the piano, I just didn't take the first step.  When I finally DID, I found it wasn't as hard as I thought it was after all.  Maybe I can't read notes, but I CAN play by ear if I try hard enough.  I had just resigned myself to the fact that I would never be able to read notes so I couldn't play the piano.  I was wrong!  What if I had never taken a step?  Sometimes in life we are standing on the edge of a decision, afraid to take that step... and while you're standing there, trying to make up your mind, life comes along and gives you a push.  Sometimes it's a big shove.  Me and the piano is just one thing, I could tell you more stories but I think you might get bored after a while. The point is:  sometimes in life we have voices over here, and voices over there, all telling us what to do.  We get confused, we want to quit, give up, or not even try at all.  But THINK of how many wonderful experiences we MISS OUT ON by not taking a step.  One of my favorite things to say is "You never know if you don't try."  I've learned from experience, if you step out and TRY IT... whether it's something you're just not sure of, or something you're terrified of.  You'll find it's not as bad as you thought.  AS people we tend to sell ourselves short on what we can do.  I know I was really apprehensive about helping my husband pastor a church.  Now I have been a pastors wife for over 16 years.  (we have been married for 22)  I was scared to death when I finally realized my dream of becoming a Radio Personality, but I've been in radio now since 2001. I always wanted to be an author, and my first book was published in 2004.  I had to START writing the story before it would ever be finished.  If you want to succeed, you have to TAKE THAT FIRST STEP!